An unsettling feeling...

I can't help but feel worried right now. If you've been following my posts, you would know I'm a worrisome person.

There are a few events coming soon that I am not adequately confident about and that's definitely affecting my concentration. There are times I can deal with the stress but other times it just keeps bothering me like there's no tomorrow; it affects my ability to concentrate on important matters or simply on relaxing.

I pray things turn out well for the things to come. In today's Homily (Ash Wednesday) the priest highlighted three important challenges for this season of Lent. One of these was collective responsiblity. He did not mean collective as in a group being held responsible for each others action but rather we are responsible for whatever happens external to us. We can make the change but it has to start from ourselves. I will admit that I have made some lapses in the responsibilities given to me. Before it all began, I already knew my limitations and opted for something else. Something more subtle. But certain circumstances and individuals with motives of their own made me pursue something greater. Something, I now realize, I wasn't quite ready for.

I did all I can with my abilities and talents and the results are clear before me. Only a few are visible to me, but still there nonetheless. Needless to say, I am still not satisfied. There is that lingering feeling that perhaps I could have done better. Sometimes I fail to realize that these moments, these obstacles we have to hurdle, are learning experiences. I am always so blinded by my desire to be excellent and consequently end up hating myself more when I fail. This time, I hope I did pick up the the life's lesson embedded in this experience of mine.

Ironic, however, is the new circumstance I am yet getting myself into. Maybe I am not ready for this again. Maybe I bit off more than I can chew. Maybe I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. But, when I remember my past decisions, there have been so many instances I have regretted. So many "I could have" or "If I did this" moments. My fear of not being prepared or being afraid of mistakes always keeps me back from trying anything prospectively substantial in my life. I now realize it's alright to be afraid. It is okay to fear the unknown. Sure, there may be some pitfalls and hurdles, but they're nothing I won't be able to handle. It's just a matter of facing your fears and believing in yourself.

I love what I'm doing, even if I'm not doing it in the right way. It is only through continued immersion that I will be able to become better and more adept with it. I have learned a great deal from this experience and I expect nothing else but to keep learning more.

Now I shall take refuge in my bed and hope my dreams take me somewhere to my fancy. It shall be a welcome respite before the next day begins. Tomorrow, after all, is another day in the life.

Getting there, one persevering step at a time...

Today marked some sort of a break from the incessant toxicity in CAMP. We just finished our Finals exam for the third Therapeutic Exercises subject (oh how hellish it was!) and the Laboratory counterpart for that isn't until next Friday. Even if there are a few things I have to type down (Taboo mechanics, activity proposals) and even if I have a Treatment Planning session I feel the need to prepare for tomorrow (such a pain to rummage through my old handouts), I can't help but feel a heavy load leave my shoulders. After weeks and weeks of studying, cramming and stressing, I finally feel relaxed again.

Things have been going well for me and the highlight of my usually mundan existence would be my NMAT score. The results (were two weeks delayed if we hold rumors to be fact) came to our residence last Tuesday morning when I was in school. I forewarned my mother not to open the envelope when it comes while I'm away. But I knew her. She'd open it the very minute she laid her hands on it. I was actually surprised to hear from my sister how Mom still contemplated on not opening it and save me the feeling of anxiety before opening THE envelope. She likewise had the apprehension to keep the results (it was morning when she them) from me until I came home for fear of me getting angry at her for violating our agreement. Ultimately, it was Dad who texted me the results after convincing Mom to come out with it. It didn't hurt when they broke the agreement. After all, the envelope came bearing good news.

It was during Sir Mitch's small group discussion when I receieved the news. I lost all attention to the activity when I read the text message (You got in the NMAT! Congrats!). I couldn't contain myself and had to leave the room to jump to my heart's delight at the good news. My score was exceptionally high, too high than I had expected it to be. Much of my doubts on getting a high score was my relative lack of time to study for that test. The week prior to the testing day, we were flooded with lecture and lab exams (Thera Ex, Phys Ag) which I couldn't put lower on my list of priorities. Preparing for the NMAT took the back seat and it was only when the exams had finished could I sit down and funnel all my energies to it. Unfortunately, there were only two days left til testing day(I had to skip the boring Friday class to study). The task at hand seemed insurmountable. There were simply too many topics to study. The Special Areas Subtest included: Physics, Biology, Social Science and Chemistry (my Waterloo). Not to mention Verbal, Quantitative, Inductive Reasoning, and Abstract Reasoning, for the Aptitude subtest. I was fairly confident with the Aptitude subtest as I enjoy answering puzzles or problems for recreation. Wish I could say the same for the Special Areas Subtest.

Come test day, I was sleep deprived (7AM!!!), stressed (residue from academic toxicity), and anxious for a career-directing exam I barely prepared for. One thousand nine hundred pesos down the drain. I'll just take another exam in April, I can surely do better there. Despite being in a seemingly hopeless situation, I prayed and gave it my best shot. It's common knowledge what sleep deprivation can do to the human brain. It's ability to solve challenging math problems is proportional to the amount of blood the circulatory system (susceptible prey to stress) can provide. And, we all know how exceedingly fit I am from all my vigorous activities of sitting for long hours in front of the PC and of slumbering deeply in my bed. Yet, when the signal came to start the Aptitude Exam, my mind seemed to have juiced up on steroids. For a full two and a half hours, my brain was functioning at optimum levels as if stress and sleep deprivation were removed from the body system (sad to say, I have never gotten this same response with my college exams). I finished the first portion and with some time to spare. The second subtest saw a decline in my brain's preformance, but still sharp nonetheless. Chemistry was a frickin pain in the glutes and for Biology, I just don't have much love for Kingdom Plantae (or Fungi and Protista for that matter). Social Sciences was fairly ok, thanks to some of my subjects in the third year that touched on some of the topics. Physics was a breath of fresh air (geek alert!).

When it was all over, I felt, much like how I feel now, I heavy burden leave my shoulders. I had done my part and all that was to do was hope. Hoping, by some marginal chance, I'd get past the 90 grade mark. Hoping more, by some extremely little chance, that I'd get the 99+ mark. Hoping most, by a more likely chance, not to get demeaning results.

In the end, all my worrying and self-loathing were all for naught. But I still owe it more to divine intervention that my own capabilities. I couldn't have done it by myself, that's for sure. I'll keep on praying and keep on working.

Eventually, I'll get there. Just one persevering step at a time.

What My Name Means

I got this idea from a friend. You can try it for yourself at http://www.paulsadowski.com.

You entered: Efren Angelo E. dela Dingco

There are 22 letters in your name.
Those 22 letters total to 109
There are 10 vowels and 12 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Hebrew

Male

Doubly fruitful. Form of Hebrew Ephraim.

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The negative attributes of the 1 Expression are egotism and a self-centered approach to life. This is an aggressive number and if it is over-emphasized it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3

A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7

An Inner Dream number of 7 means:
You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

Some of the stuff written here are pretty consistent although I'm not really sure about acting on my own without supervision. You tell me.

NO TO THE REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH BILL

http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/talkofthetown/view/20080816-155092/Church-reply-to-reproductive-health-bill-facts-fallacies

Church reply to reproductive health bill: facts, fallacies

Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 20:18:00 08/16/2008

No place for the RH bill in our law

By Francisco S. Tatad

THE REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH bill in the House of Representatives is being presented as a health bill and an antipoverty bill at the same time. It is neither. It is not what its authors say it is; it is everything they say it is not. It is an ideological attack on human life, the family, and our social and cultural values.

The bill rests on a flawed premise; it is unnecessary, unconstitutional, oppressive of religious belief and destructive of public morals and family values. Its enactment into law will only deepen the already frightening ignorance about the real issues. It should be rejected.

1. Flawed premise
Our population growth rate (National Statistics Office) is 2.04 percent, total fertility rate (TFR) is 3.02. The CIA World Factbook has lower figures -- growth rate, 1.728 percent; TFR, 3.00.

Our population density is 277 per square km. GDP per capita (PPP) is $3,400. Fifty other countries have a much lower density, yet their per capita is also much lower. Thirty-six countries are more densely populated, yet their GDP per capita is also much higher. Are the few then always richer, the many always poorer? Not at all.

Our median age is 23 years. In 139 other countries it is as high as 45.5 years (Monaco). This means a Filipino has more productive years ahead of him than his counterpart in the rich countries where the graying and dying population is no longer being replaced because of negative birth rates.

Our long-term future is bright, because of a vibrant and dynamic population.

2. Unnecessary
Women who say they should be free to contracept (regardless of what the moral law or science says) are not being prevented from doing so, as witness the 50-percent contraceptive prevalence rate. It is a free market. But as we are not a welfare state, taxpayers have no duty to provide the contraceptives to try and cure pregnancy, which is not a disease.

The State’s duty is to protect women from real diseases. At least 80 women die every day from heart diseases, 63 from vascular diseases, 51 from cancer, 45 from pneumonia, 23 from tuberculosis, 22 from diabetes; 16 from lower chronic respiratory diseases. Why are our lawmakers not demanding free medicines and services for all those afflicted?

Indeed, maternal death could be brought down to zero just by providing adequate basic and emergency obstetrics-care facilities and skilled medical services to women. The local officials of Gattaran, Cagayan and Sorsogon City have shown this. Why do our lawmakers insist on stuffing our women with contraceptives and abortifacients instead?

In 2005, the cancer research arm of the World Health Organization concluded that oral contraceptives cause breast, liver and cervical cancer. Shouldn’t our lawmakers demand that contraceptives be banned or at least labeled as “cancer-causing,” or “dangerous to women’s health”? Why do they want them classified as “essential medicines” instead?

3. Unconstitutional
a.) The Philippines is a democratic and republican State. Yet the bill seems to assume we are a centrally planned economy or a totalitarian State, which controls the private lives of its citizens. Truth is, there are certain activities of man as man where the individual is completely autonomous from the State.

Just as the State may not tell a politician or a journalist how or when to think, write or speak, it may not enter the bedroom and tell married couples how or when to practice marital love.

b.) Article II, Section 12 of the Constitution says: “The State recognizes the sanctity of family life and shall protect and strengthen the family as a basic autonomous social institution. It shall equally protect the life of the mother and the life of the unborn from conception. The natural and primary right and duty of parents in the rearing of the youth for civic efficiency and the development of moral character shall receive the support of the Government.”

The use of “sanctity” makes State obedience to God’s laws not only a solemn teaching of the Church, but also an express constitutional mandate. Now, when the State binds itself to “equally protect the life of the mother and the life of the unborn from conception,” it necessarily binds itself not to do anything to prevent even one married woman from conceiving. A state-funded contraceptive program is an abomination.

4. Oppressive of religious belief

The bill seeks to tell the Catholic majority not to listen to the Church and to listen to anti-Catholic politicians instead. It seeks to establish a program which Catholic taxpayers will fund in order to attack a doctrine of their faith. Is there a worse despotism? Would the same people do the same thing to the followers of Islam or some politically active religious pressure group?

The pro-RH lobby claims surveys have shown that most Catholic women want to use contraception, regardless of what the Church says about it. It is a desperate attempt to show that right or wrong can now be reduced to what you like or dislike. The truth is never the result of surveys. Contraception is wrong not because the Church has banned it; the Church has banned it because it is wrong. No amount of surveys can change that.

5. Destructive of public morals

The bill seeks to impose a hedonistic sex-oriented lifestyle that aims to reduce the conjugal act to a mere exchange of physical sensations between two individuals and marriage to a purely contraceptive partnership.

Not only is it hedonistic, it is above all eugenicist. It seeks to eliminate the poor and the “socially unfit.” While it neither mandates a two-child family nor legalizes abortion, it prepares the ground for both.

In 1974, the US National Security Study Memorandum 200, titled “Implications of Worldwide Population Growth for US Security and Overseas Interests,” launched the two-child family as a global population policy to be achieved by 2000. But “no country has reduced its population growth without resorting to abortion,” said that document.

Now you know what’s next, and where it’s all coming from.

The truth is... I am IRON MAN...

or at least I want to be.

Last Labor Day proved to be a fulfilling day for movie going. Our excitement couldn't be more apparent when we arrived an hour early before the mall opened. We weren't alone in our excitement, however, as a big crowd of people was already waiting for the mall doors to open so they could get their hands on the first showing of IRON MAN. Getting there early was completely worth it after all (much like the time I went to these lengths in Spiderman and Revenge of the Sith). The Iron Man movie proved to be an amazing presentation, besting my expectations. The movie is one of the strongest superhero adaptations to date and also Robert Downey Jr.'s comeback movie. After all, the movie IS Robert Downey Jr.

For comic book fanboys like myself, you can't call yourself a comic book fan if you don't know Tony Stark. But, for the sake of reviewing this movie, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is a genius and pioneer in the advanced weapons industry. After a weapons presentation in Afghanistan, Tony Stark's convoy is attacked and he is captured by a rebel militia group. He wakes up in captivity and finds an electromagnet strapped to his heart. With his keen intellect, he builds a suit of armor to escape from his captors. He eventually gets back to his normal life a changed man, his first agenda being to cease production of weapons in Stark Industries. This results in conflict with Obediah Stane (Jeff Bridges), who co-owns Stark Industries. Inspired by the events in captivity, Stark goes on to create a more advanced suit of armor which he uses for taking matters into his own hands. But his efforts are met with hostility when Obediah Stane engages Tony Stark in a power struggle for the future of Stark Enterprises.

IRON MAN is one of the most solid comic book adaptations much like Batman Begins and 300. The loyalty to original source contributed greatly to the movie's success. So loyal, in fact, that they cast Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. No one could have done a better job in my opinion. When I heard last year that he was going to play Iron man, I couldn't help but think that no one could be more fitting for that role. Tony Stark is a care-free billionaire surrounded by expensive cars, booze and women and Downey Jr.'s controversial history actually works to his benefit in selling the character. It's hard to explain but if you read the comic books, you'll believe me when I say Downey Jr.'s performance is the best example of a comic book character come to life.
The supporting actors did quite an amusing job as well. Gwyneth Paltrow plays Pepper Pots, Tony Stark's personal assistant who later becomes a love interest. Terrence Howard plays Col. James Rhodes, Tony Stark's right hand man. In the comic books, James Rhodes dons the Iron Man armor when Tony Stark gives in to alcoholism. Eventually, he is given his own armed nicknamed "War Machine". There was comedic scene in the movie that alludes to his future role which I found very amusing. Jeff Bridges played a convincing Obediah Stane, the movie's antagonist. All I can say is, he's a cool bad guy. Trivia: In the comics, Iron Man used his Silver Centurion armor when he faced off against Obediah Stane.
The special effects are just unremarkable. In this day and age, the computer generated images can only get better and better. Iron Man boasts of state-of-the-art visual effects from casual comedic scenes to edge-of-your-seat-action sequences. In short, awesome!
Overall, Director Jon Favreau made a superior comic book adaptation. I actually had doubts if he could pull this movie of with only a few movies like ELF and ZATHURA under his belt (movies that I didn't quite like). IRON MAN proves to be his best work yet and one that will propel him to becoming a respected director. I have no doubts IRON MAN 2 will be a bigger and better box office hit.

If you haven't seen the movie yet, you owe it yourself to spare a few pesos to see it the cinemas. MUST SEE CALIBER. If you've seen it, go see it again. You know you want to.